Goodbye, 17

Friday, February 20, 2015

At this point of time, I find myself in a very, very good place. And I'm so immensely blessed. 

The prospect of turning eighteen is scary, but the days leading up to it has been nothing short of amazing, and a lot of the things that have been happening seem to be a lot in my favour, and somehow haw been alleviating several of the fears I've been having for a long, long time. While I admit that the past month hasn't been smooth-sailing at all, with so many of my insecurities amplified, I suppose the past few days really allowed me to soul-search, with the help of encouragement from some people I've been lucky to have.

Eighteen seems to me, to be the year where I put one foot into the adult world (the other foot that completes the transition into adulthood will come in at twenty-one), where I take matters into my own hands and make decisions that would affect me for the rest of my life to a certain extent. That, in itself, sounds extremely intimidating. As someone who never knew what she was good at, who could never decide on a particular direction or path to take, being forced to consider closing doors and options is by no means an easy feat. I am still struggling, but I believe it's getting clearer and closer to me with every passing day. 

Just today, in itself, I've experienced so many epiphanies consecutively and moments where I just feel like life has taken a turn for the better. I feel so inspired and I really hope that this feeling lasts and doesn't fade as A Levels start to infiltrate every single thought and action I take. Honestly though, I feel like my perspective on life has completely changed today - even though that sounds highly exaggerated. 

I've also gained a better insight into what I would like to do when I grow up (which is really one of life's - or my - greatest concerns) and I am ever so thankful for that. All of a sudden, I am really excited for the future and all the big, great things I can reach out to accomplish with credibility that's backed by age. It is really time to experience the world without holding back anymore. 

While I am well aware that I am speaking in extremely vague language at this point, I suppose clarity comes with time. I am still in a very jumpy and excited mode from all these new discoveries about myself and the people around me and would need time to consolidate all these precious, precious fleeting thoughts. Right now, I believe I am winning at life and I am so, so, so grateful. 

It is a lovely night and I am taking things slowly. While my eyes are swollen (it's actually quite amusing, no worries), I am at peace. I have a very soothing song I've lost touch with for years (and finally found again today) playing in my ears - it is theme song of my all-time favourite Hong Kong drama and I am finally enjoying some peace and quiet amidst all the Chinese New Year visiting. Cantonese is really such a beautiful language. 

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