Happenings
Showing posts with label Happenings. Show all posts

Twenty Seven

Friday, March 29, 2024

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Birthdays for me, in recent years, are usually spent solo. 

If I'm not occupied at work or in school, I'd make the conscious decision to keep it free, and enjoy a day with my own company. It usually takes the form of plopping myself down at a quaint little cafe in a less busy part of town and I’ll spend the hours reflecting about the past year, and people watching. 

I find peace in solitude, and have never been self-conscious about how others would perceive me when I do things in public solo. Considering how many people struggle with being alone–or rather, being seen alone–I've definitely tried to reason why I do feel so comfortable, especially since I grew up surrounded by friends. It wasn't as though I had lots of practice. 

And perhaps it's exactly that. At risk of sounding conceited, I've been blessed with pretty effortlessly strong relationships and friendships since young, so this part of my life has never been a source of insecurity. It’s made me appreciate both spending time with friends, and on my own, which takes the pressure off constantly having to find company and makes every moment of life worth looking forward to. 

So despite choosing to keep my actual birth date for myself, my February weekends would usually see my dearest friends and loved ones taking time out to make me feel loved, as though me turning a year older was truly something momentous for them. I'm so lucky.

Last month, I turned 27. And like all the other years, I spent it solo. 

The difference this time round? Even if I would've liked company, I probably wouldn't have gotten it. Just ten days before my 27th birthday, I flew halfway across the world to start a new job in a city I hadn't even visited prior. With three luggages in tow filled with tropical summer clothes that wouldn't cut it in my new four-seasons climate, I knew this was something I needed to do. Because if not now, when? 

But when you leave behind the life and people you've been so familiar with for the past 27 years, the greatest comfort is knowing that they'll be there for you if you do decide it's all too much. 

And so this year, despite spending my birthday truly alone–at least physically–it was still one full of gratitude, the fullest that it's ever been, I reckon. Love was shown towards me in the most creative of ways, and I'm just so grateful to be given the opportunity to embark on a completely new adventure, and especially for everything that had to fall in place to make it all happen. 

The relocation probably warrants its own post, so here's how I spent my birthday weekend in ten photos. 

Table for one at Sussey Street. 

Warmed myself up with a hearty pumpkin soup.

Coconut passion – anything with coconut & egg white, I'm down. 

Dry aged fillet of beef, but the little hazelnut toast at the side stole the show with its rich, creamy, nutty flavour. 

The perfect blue sky weather. 

The National Gallery of Ireland was a gem.

Hi there, fellow solo adventurer.

Majestic.

Even more majestic.

Art imitates life. 
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Quarter-life

Sunday, June 5, 2022

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I just reached my quarter-life checkpoint a little less than four months ago. Of course, that's assuming I'd live till 100, which is a tad of a stretch, I know, considering my current lifestyle habits. 


Somehow, phrases like 'quarter-life' or 'mid-life' are usually accompanied with 'crisis', as though the coming of age signals an impending doom. In some ways, I get it. The act of turning a year older serves as the most obvious reminder that that there is a finite resource and limitation all of us grapple withtimewhich is a potential impediment stopping us from achieving what we set out to do in this life, whatever that might be.  


Admittedly, upon graduating and entering the workforce almost 2 years ago, I've gone through periods of burnout and over-exertion. Not sleeping adequately to complete work that's not even expected of me, mindless worrying about things I have no absolutely control over, and procrastinating because of a deep-seated insecurity that I am not good enough to even complete the task—even though I'd end up still pulling through at the last minute, usually at the expense of even heavier eyebags and an accelerated heartbeat. And doing all of the above without a clear direction of what I am even trying to attain in the long run, and being blinded chasing short-term and superficial "wins" like a good performance rating or an early promotion. 


The way I see it, this form of age-based crisis is a result of a future-looking anxiety. A worry that our future selves may not live up to expectations of ourselves or others, or a fear that we're not spending our time in the most meaningful way, the latter of which is usually compounded with the reality that such a huge chunk of our lives has already passed. In some senses, it is a bit of a first-world problem, where one can still technically survive in their day-to-day as long as the status quo continues. 


A huge part of this feeling could be due to my supposed "perfectionist" nature, a title that I'd honestly hesitate to claim because I could never see my output being anything close to perfection. Yet, by pushing myself to the limit, I am giving myself the opportunity to rest easy (when I finally do rest) knowing that I've done whatever I could and outcomes would be left up to chance. Definitely easier said than done, especially when the voice inside my head is my harshest critic. I don't think I've ever given myself credit for "doing my best" and I do actually berate myself with actual profanities. I would never say any of such words to anyone else, so I don't know why I do that to myself. 


Considering I don't know what I'm working towards (which is not a bad thing, may I add), I probably need to do a better job at living in the moment, and accepting the fact that in this life, there is only so much I can do. One of my favourite Pixar movies, 'Soul', illustrates this heaps better than I ever will. Without giving away much of its plot, it challenges typical notions of "success" and "failure", bringing to life the beautiful but also harsh truth that attaining our achievements may not even bring us the happiness we'd expected, so it's even more important to express gratitude for your current state. 


And truly, in spite of it all, there is so much to be thankful for. 


This weekend, I'm thankful for the company of friends (old and new) who embrace all of my quirks, the luxury of spending time with my family over Saturday's really filling lunch, my boyfriend for travelling all the way to Punggol with me only to find that the pasar malam (night market) we had travelled for was postponed, and McDonald's for bringing in smoky nacho cheese sauce to pair with their most consistent nuggets. 

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Graduation: One Year On

Sunday, October 24, 2021

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My earliest memory of the concepts of "graduation" and "university" was my mother telling me - back when I could barely even understand - that she'd do whatever it takes to make sure I graduated from one, even it if meant selling away our house. Trading my bedroom for the opportunity to study didn't make sense at all to me, but it sure drove home the message that this was something important to her, her life goal almost.  

Thankfully, many years later, we still have a roof over our heads, and I've achieved what she set out to do when she had my brother and I: producing two first generation graduates in the family. 

Interestingly enough, I genuinely never saw graduating to be a momentous occasion, or something that even required celebrating. As best as I can put this across without sounding presumptuous, it wasn't a difficult journey, at least not the actual "university" bit. Sure, I've faced little bumps along the road throughout my academic life, but those can mostly be attributed to the sky-high expectations set by being amongst some of the most academically inclined youth in my growing up years. I'm fortunate that getting into a local university was never a question of 'whether', but 'which course', and I daresay completing the required modules for graduating was smoother than preparing for A Levels, save for a couple of insane weeks due to overcommitting to too many things at once - but I'd always knew I'd get through those. 

To me, this relative ease was all thanks to these two people here. 


If I could say so myself, they aren't the most involved parents ever during my university days, but it wasn't what they did then, but rather what they did leading up to it that helped set me up for success, which I'll always be immensely grateful for. 

Foundations are one of the most critical pieces of a kid's developmental process, and my parents spared no expense in that regard. No, it wasn't expensive tuition or enrichment classes, though to be fair I did get piano lessons and art classes at the nearby community centre. But it was the pure sacrifice of time and effort ensuring we did well in our early years. Weekly library visits were a must, which helped me cultivate that insatiable love for reading and writing, and developing a curiosity for topics outside what my parents even had knowledge about (compared to if my parents were the ones picking and curating the books we read). 

Mummy quit her job to make sure she had the time to learn the names of our favourite Sesame Street characters (she only knew Big Bird as a kid), which progressed to learning the school curriculum alongside us so she could play the role of our 24/7 always-on tutor, at least up till Primary 6. While not all memories were positive - lots of crying due to the pressure of not being able to write the right Chinese characters when she went through my 听写 with me - I'll always remember the sight of her reading out words from my English spelling list as she multi-tasked and mopped the kitchen floor of our Serangoon North home, while I stood outside and spelled them aloud. 

While we weren't the most financially-secure family, my parents made sure that we didn't have to worry about anything else apart from doing our "job" as students. We were not showered with frivolous wants, but had everything we needed to grow up comfortably. It was only when I grew older did I realize how much of a toll it probably took on them, especially sending us to independent schools, rather than the subsidised government ones. I'll never forget how Papa had to go to the financial aid office in my school to submit a form to ask for financial help because his daughter was too embarrassed to do it herself. 


So this one's for my parents. Thanks Papa and Mummy for all that you've done for me to achieve this milestone, and for coming down for both my commencement ceremonies. I'm really glad NUS pulled through to hold these physical graduations despite it being more than a year late, because I know how much it means to you to see me walk across a physical stage, rather than the slideshow we had a couple months ago. 


Oh, and thanks mum for sneaking Mr Ducky Wacky and Ah Mun (my favourite childhood chou chous) into the University Cultural Centre to watch me graduate - other than my parents, these are my two biggest supporters who've seen me through all the good, the bad and the (very) ugly times. I've probably used them multiple times in place of tissue paper to clean away tears, thus explaining their faded and dirty appearances. 


Symbolism aside, I did actually enjoy having the physical ceremonies too, despite flippantly writing them off initially as 'something-I'm-going-for-only-for-my-parents'. It was a nice pause amidst the usual hustle and bustle of working life to reflect and take stock of the four years that flew by. 

Admittedly, in the past 1.5 years since I graduated, I never gave NUS any credit for shaping who I am as a person. Perhaps this stems from my own insecurity, as I never saw this place as a brand-name institution, at least compared to so many of my friends who've gone on to study at top-tier universities abroad. This feeling was exacerbated because my selected courses of study (Communications & New Media; and Business Administration) did not fall into the widely accepted buckets of law and medicine. To me, attaining a Bachelor's Degree (or two) was merely a rite of passage I had to go through which wasn't going to change me dramatically, at least not as much as I had grown during my pre-university days due to this flawed mindset that I was amongst the best then - and not anymore. Oh, how ridiculous and wrong I am, projecting my insecurities onto others. 

Meeting and catching up with the friends I've made during my time at NUS during the recent commencement ceremonies was such a poignant reminder that I've met some of the best people here, with whom I formed some of the best memories of my life here. Here are a couple of them I managed to catch (pity I didn't meet everyone); 


With Beverly - my CNM & BBA & Straits Times buddy! You're someone so special to me, considering the circumstances by which we met, struggling through our journalism internship together, and then going on to work on case competitions and countless modules together. Undoubtedly one of the most humble yet talented people I've gotten to know. 


With Priya, one of the OGs whom I've gotten through eight years of formal education with! Always grateful to have you by my side, going through similar experiences, right from OBS in secondary three, to an honestly traumatic NUS Business School Camp in year one, and now graduation. So many dips and turns along the way, but you're so inspiring and I can't wait to see how many more lives you'll touch.




With the three girls I've gotten to spend majority of my university life with, at first by circumstance due to our double degree combinations but afterwards by choice! Thank you all for being there right from Orientation Week. You three kept me sane during the Business School modules we had to go through in Year 1 and 2, and though our paths diverged throughout the years, especially when Huiting and I changed home faculties to FASS together, I'm always thankful to have this solid support system to rely on. 


With Vanessa, my roomie for life! Honestly I still can't quite figure out how or why we even decided to embark on the Hong Kong journey together without even knowing each other well, but I'm so glad I decided to experience that with you and wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for being such a dependable and supportive friend, always.


With Gerard and Ping, my first proper FASS friends, whom I only got to know in my final semester. But as they say, better late than never! I'll always be counting my blessings that you guys decided to talk to me on the NUS bus from UTown after our Political Communications module, and provided much-needed entertainment and insights.



With Christal, one of my favourite juniors - though I see her as a friend, the senior-junior status from JC somehow is still ingrained. I'm always in awe of the amount of kindness and care you show to the people around you, and while it was surprising to me that you ended up in the exact same university courses as me, you've managed to chart out an entirely different and more amazing path for yourself, and I'm so proud of you. 


And of course, how can I forget the best takeaway from university? ♥ Thank you for inviting me to a ramen "catch-up" (to which I showed up in spectacles and pyjama pants), and for taking a chance on me even though I was a journalism-crazy, most non-Business girl you could've ever met. 

After my second commencement ceremony, JX and I decided to take a walk around NUS to relive some memories, take photographs and pay a visit to the spaces and people that made the place so meaningful to us. We spent a slow afternoon people-watching at Starbucks, a luxury that we never got to do as students, since we would be constantly rushing around from tutorial to tutorial, and getting caffeine was done not for enjoyment but to keep ourselves awake. My "fondest" memory of the University Town Bux was spending an all-nighter rushing out slides for a case competition - where my team placed third. This kickstarted my journey competing in case competitions for NUS, which honestly shaped me immensely (reflected about it here).  

Later in the afternoon, we took the NUS bus to Business School, and visited my favourite Milo bro at the snack stall! 


Sustenance like no other, especially when rushing from Biz to FASS. 



"Iced milo?" he would never fail to ask, with the brightest smile, whenever he saw me appear at the counter. It wasn't that I was special, as he could literally remember the orders of most of the students from Business/ Computing/ Kent Ridge, but that made him even more special to all of us. And even when I stopped drinking iced milo as regularly in Year 3 and 4, he would ask me how I was instead, especially when I headed back on the weekends to train for case competitions. His reaction when he spotted me again this week after 1.5 years was amazing, and I only wish for the best for him. 

With the richest and most "gao" iced milo in hand, JX and I hopped back on the bus, back to University Town to sit by Town Green to reminisce about our time in NUS, and of snap a couple more pictures before the sun set. 


A very nice stranger took this lovely photo of us. 


And I took this very nice photo of JX. 


As it started getting dark, JX and I decided to make one last stop, to the rooftop of ERC, where we used to hang out quite a lot studying together. NUS is honestly breathtaking at night, and as I stared out into the infinity pool (which I never got a chance to use), my heart was filled with immense gratitude of my time here, especially when I think back on all the people I've gotten to meet and the experiences I've gained. 

We ended our day at Star Vista, heading back to the ramen shop which we went to for our first "date" (although he still insists it was a 'catch-up') for dinner. Alas, the original shop has since been replaced by another ramen shop under another name - though we suspect it's the same management. However, as we slurped our noodles, it felt just as comforting as it was the first time, in his company. A poignant reminder that even as material things and spaces change, the memories and people wouldn't. Heart has never felt more full in a long, long time. I'm thankful for this closure which I didn't even know I needed. 

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These Four Walls

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

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A collection of photos from my personal stay-home experience during Singapore's version of a lockdown, termed a 'circuit breaker' from April to June this year; 

I baked, a lot. 




I baked way too much to feed my family, and decided to gift them to neighbours as well as friends. This little project kept me busy for the most part of the lockdown, and I'm thankful for delivery drivers who were able to safely transport my packages of baked goods to all those willing to be my guinea pigs. Also huge shoutout to all those who drove right to my doorstep to make sure none of my kitchen adventures went to waste. 



Some of my kitchen adventures were out of curiosity for what's trending... 



... While some completely experimental. 



It was also clear that neighbours were also hanging out in their kitchens a lot. We got gifted some delicious goodies, such as this homemade bubur-chacha. 


And I got sent a bunch of my favourite things, so thank you everyone who kept me in their thoughts. 




Apart from tangible acts of friendship, I particularly enjoyed the virtual ones that proved that distance knows no boundaries. 




Other than keeping in touch with people who knew me, technology also made musical and arts performances from all around the world accessible to me without needing to leave home. 


Stunning visual spectaculars were also available simply by peering out of my window. Sunrises are best caught from my kitchen window, and sunsets from the living room's—poignant reminders that there's so much more beyond these four walls, and that the world was still spinning despite how we'd perceived it to "stop". There's so much more, much bigger than ourselves. 




The windows also served to build a sense of community. We clapped, cheered, and sung songs together as a relatively young neighbourhood in Sengkang, to keep spirits going for both frontliners and probably (mostly) ourselves. 


And I officially graduated during the circuit breaker too! 


Not able to eat out? Not a problem. I attempted to recreate some of my favourite foods from a bunch of different cuisines. We have what I'd loosely term 'Western'...





... Some Korean inspired ones mostly because I started to watch way too many mukbangs during lockdown... 




... And of course, good ol' local favourites. 



Ending off this archive of memories from a once-in-a-lifetime moment with a selfie for good measure, which I actually took to support the local business which hand-made the pair of earrings I was wearing. Yes, one of the many local business that sprung up as a result of the lockdown, which was quite inspiring to see. 

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