Saturday, February 28, 2015

"Birthdays are for mourning, deaths are for celebrating," my brother constantly tells me.

He believes that there's no point celebrating the day you were brought into this world because it has absolutely no significance at all - it's not like we've contributed to the world positively on that very day. Similarly, he feels like deaths should be celebrated rather than mourned because we should celebrate the contributions and achievements of a person rather than being sad about a life that's lost because life will ultimately end up ending - there's no use mourning. I used to subscribe to whatever he said, including this, probably because everything that comes out of my brother's mouth somehow sounds very logical and smart.

At present, I still do believe that deaths should be celebrated - at least for me, I wouldn't like people to be crying over the loss of me and would like to have everyone to see me in a positive light one final time. It definitely would be very interesting to see, though, how much people do care about you especially if you were to disappear from the world entirely. On the other hand, I now disagree that birthdays are for mourning. I mean, why celebrate a person only when they are gone? It's so important to let someone know that they mean something to you - it might be all the person needs at that point in time. Also, if one feels uncomfortable to do something nice for a person at random, I think birthdays are the perfect opportunity to do it - it will make someone so happy and I think people, myself included, fail to realize the importance of that one day to a person, unless we are the ones being celebrated.

That being said, I do sometimes wonder what would happen if I was dead. No - I have no intention of dying or killing myself, but occasionally I do entertain the thought of experiencing the feeling of death, or more so what may come after, such as being able to have my spirit float out of my body and seeing myself lying motionless. Perhaps, most importantly, seeing how the people around me react to my death. Will anyone apart from my own family really, truly care about my absence? And if they do, how long will the void actually last? It's so frightening, the thought of that, but more so, the thought that I will never ever get the answer to my question, ever.

On that note, it has been a week since my 18th birthday and it has been an insanely tough week with me breaking down and crying a lot (though this has absolutely no relation to it being the week after my birthday) and while nothing much has changed, I do feel like I've gotten a better idea of how much I mean to some of the people in my life. In several instances it has been so disappointing, and I do feel quite dumb and shallow feeling upset for things that shouldn't even bother me and for things I have no control over, but at the same time it has made me learn to treasure the ones who invest time into friendships with me a lot more, and I find myself immensely blessed to still enjoy the company of close friends. I really do appreciate those who took time off to spend very valuable and precious time with me, to let me know that I am loved :-) Thank you to everyone who put in effort to make me feel very valued. I know I shouldn't be needing affirmation like that, and I'd like to think it's human nature but it has definitely made me feel a lot more special :-)

No comments

Post a Comment