Morning Musings

Friday, June 6, 2014

Well, it's one of those mornings. 

It's a chilly, dark morning - not exactly what mornings are meant to be like. It's a morning where I wake up early (early, by the likes of a Saturday morning) and the first thing that comes to mind isn't exactly what I'd expect to be plagued with. It's a morning that feels like the middle-of-the-night where one tends to over-think and when thoughts and insecurities and emotions come crashing down upon me.

Ahh well, I suppose the thing about these time periods is that there's practically no one up together with you (apart from the occasional dude-who-doesn't-sleep-at-all, who might even possibly be reading this) to distract you and that fully allows your innermost feelings to fight the blankets you've been desperately trying to cover them with and emerge victorious to take over your mind. Okay - overly dramatic but you get the point. It's scary, and some people do like to blame the night for causing them to go into this "emo nemo" mode but honestly, think about it - it's nothing to do with the period of time, but rather all these thoughts are innately within ourselves already.

It's all about ourselves.

Me. Me. Me.

Truly, we are the only determinants of our own life. It's so scary. I've realized over time that people are generally extremely nice people. At least, in my own little sphere, no one goes around putting others down, no one goes around saying things like "you're not good enough". The only person that tells me that is really myself. I tell myself that I'm not good enough, I give myself the own insecurities that I have. I infer things on my own and I put myself down. And honestly in my opinion, so does everyone else. Insecurities exist because other people/ other things are better than ourselves - that's true - but we let it affect ourselves by comparing our flaws with other's strengths and basically just give ourselves insecurities.

I don't think anyone has had no insecurities ever in their lives. It's just not possible if one's human. Insecurities are sometimes acceptable though, I suppose it depends on how we view it. It can possibly make us engage to better ourselves, to push ourselves to become the best version of ourselves but then again there's a limit to how it can help us.

I feel insecure right now, extremely insecure.
And there's no one who can help me except myself.

Yes, I guess that's all I wanted to say.

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