Sunday, April 6, 2014

Smile, they said. Laugh, they said. It means that you're happy.

It means that you're happy? More like it shows that you're happy.

There is a stark contrast between the two but yet the line has been blurred. Blurry like her vision when she's not wearing her glasses, just that when this lack of clarity is within herself and not something a mere tangible action is able to fix, it is a lot more worrying. A lot more worrying. And somehow this feeling seems to be occurring in every single aspect of her life.

It scares her.

That being said, showing and feeling happiness are two extremely different concepts but it's so difficult for her to tell anymore.

The funny thing is that, she's not even trying to differentiate this for anyone else.

I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. So, she keeps saying that, whilst laughing. It's so believable - people around her believe it and honestly it's rather enjoyable how positive energy somehow spreads this way. It's so believable - even she believes it to the point that she is unable to tell how she truly feels from how she wants people to think she's feeling.

Perhaps she's been putting on a show, wearing a mask for way, way, way too long. It has stuck onto her and she's become an actresses so good at her craft that is unable to tell a performance from reality. She looks forward to a breaking point, a breaking point where she just lets everything out - because only then will she know what's real and what's not.

But for the time being, perhaps just perhaps, a smile or a hearty laugh wouldn't hurt right? Or will it? She truly doesn't know. She just has to wait and see.

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