Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I'm not talking now. I'm not pissed nor tired. I'm upset

Alright I didn't go to school yesterday - was down with flu, fever and a really really terrible sore throat. It's much better now by the way, thanks for asking (':

So, I'm upset. Yeah, my mood fluctuates crazily. I have no idea why I'm upset actually. I'm not upset for myself, I'm just upset for my parents for having such a dumb ass child. You know, I actually do realize that  I'm not a very very stupid kid. But compare me to my brother and I'm a fool. Maybe I'm bitter for not being shortlisted for RA, but I'm actually quite happy. The problem isn't with myself, but with my parents. They have one kid that's in two RAs and the other kid with nothing. 

They must feel terribly sorry for me. I'm really fine actually, I have been living with this lack of brains for my entire life but I feel like I've disappointed them. So people tell me that I have other stuff, like leadership. But so what? I don't actually have a lot of leadership skills or public speaking skills, I am not confident of myself at all, I just happen to appear like that most of the time. And well, being a House VCaptain or a prefect doesn't really mean much (okay it means a lot to me, but not for my future), and ACADEMICS are overall the most important.  

Okay okay whatever, not getting into RAs doesn't actually mean anything, right? It's just kind of like GEP and non-GEP. It was great being a non-GEP, it didn't really affect me a lot, so I'm fine (: And anyway my brother had 2  RAs and now it just helps him in his H3 subjects at the A levels, it doesn't help in the normal subject itself, so it defeats the purpose since the normal subject is what counts! A distinction in H3 would look neat, but it's secondary. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to make myself feel better - to those who are taking RAs/ are planning to take RAs, go ahead, my words shouldn't be wavering your thoughts or decisions, RAs probably really beneficial :D 

Heh, I love how I comfort myself, I feel a whole load better! (': 

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