Tuesday, March 27, 2012

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Today was an eventful day. Too eventful, I might add. I'm quite overwhelmed.

Started the day at 4am to revise a bit more of Chemistry and Math. 
Yes, I had three papers today. Chemistry, Math and History. 

They all went super badly. Alright, maybe not all, but Chemistry and Math were quite terrible. I'm really really afraid. It's the first time that I've felt this way for any exam. It just felt horrible. The point is that I did study and put in a lot of effort but it just so happened that my mind just became really blank when I entered the exam room and everything just couldn't be applied. I'm not sure what happened to me, perhaps there's too many things going through my mind these few days (actually months) and I can't stay focused for long. 

It was quite a wake up call for me that I'm not focusing on the things that are "more important". At least the way they calculate the GPA would be 5 core and 2 best. Perhaps I could remove Chemistry if it really turns out horrible. But what really hit me today was that I might have too many things on my plate and it's affecting what's important (note that it's not what's important to me). If I don't do well this term, I'm not going to go for what I want to do next year because Academics are still most important I guess. As I type this, I have a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach. I don't want to give up what I've felt so strongly for and enjoyed (still enjoying actually) so much.

Anyway, after the papers, I went to watch The Hunger Games with Christina, Jaclyn and Thiyana at Lido. There were so many RGS girls, it was quite amusing that all of us flocked to watch that after the exams. It was a pretty good movie (I didn't read the book, by the way), no doubt, although I wouldn't call myself a fan. I felt that some of the themes were a bit strange and the transition from the weirdness of the Capital to some sort of Lord of the Flies setting was kind of abrupt. I liked how comparisons could be made from The Hunger Games and Lord of the Flies. We could see the savagery when people became desperate - the inner evil would show. It's also really sadistic to see how humans are - they made it really quite obvious in the movie and I think in real life, all of us has this inner evil, it's just that we were brought up to know that it's socially unacceptable. Thinking about such characteristics of human nature, it's quite scary to be honest. But the movie not too bad, I'm glad I went to catch it. 

Christina and I talked about so many different things while we were having lunch (': Our commitments and the many crazy things happening to our lives nowadays. Sigh, everything's progressing and I'm not sure if it's for the better. The world is quite a scary place. 

Moot Parliament Programme visit to the Parliament House tomorrow!
I'm very very excited 8) 

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Sunday, March 18, 2012

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disappointed with everything. 
everything in my life right now. 
including myself. 

don't ask me why, i'll eventually say it when i have the time.

but till then, i'll focus on making everything better.
good luck with life guys.

term 2 is starting tomorrow. i've got a feeling it's going to be a terrible term.
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Sunday, March 11, 2012

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PB Camp: Monday - Wednesday
Guides Camp: Thursday - Saturday

March Holidays: Sunday ._.

goodbye blogger;
and sanity. 
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Thursday, March 8, 2012

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Guess who saw Xiaxue? :D 

Before going to school to report for the Social Studies Learning Journey, I met Wang You and Phionna at Orchard and we headed to Pepper Lunch (which was so good!) to have lunch. It was quite a fun (yet fruitful) lunch session. It's nice hearing more opinions on the various stuff I have been thinking so much of, such as the House system in RGS. I really have a lot to say about it, but I'm still trying to think of solutions. It's such a complicated matter and I hate to say this, but I really don't know how perceptions will change. 

Anyway, SS LJ at Boat Quay  was incredibly fun. We just had to go around Boat Quay and observe the surroundings in groups (my group's Phionna, Yan Ling and myself!) and we could stop and take a break at the eateries or rather, where most of us went, Mcdonalds. 

Our school requested permission for us to enter Fullerton Hotel to view their Heritage Gallery. I think it was quite a nice gesture of them to allow these secondary school kids into their six star hotel because we were in clear view of the hotel guests (who were all smartly dressed in suits, and dresses and sipping their high class coffee and taking ladylike bites of their pretty macaroons and discussing important business stuff with one another) and it probably didn't really look good on them, but well, all in the name of Education! Since this is a Social Studies Learning Journey, well, Fullerton Hotel definitely isn't an effective common space, it's so exclusive. 

Then, my group went to approach Mr Lim and Mr Yeo rergarding some statues of  Deng Xiaoping, Ho Chi Minh among other countries' people that are located near the sides of the Singapore River and they started talking and explaining so much additional information which really struck me. Firstly, I actually felt really special and honoured that they were just talking to my group but besides that, what they said was truly inspirational, especially this sentence (or rather the meaning) that will probably remain with me forever: "They were your forefathers." I'm terribly vague but really, look around Singapore River. What we see is really the "good" side of everything. Did Singapore really preserve our heritage?

Alright, enough of Social Studies. 

So, we were released early and Ragini and I decided to get Starbucks. Then, when we were walking around, we saw Xiaxue, Singapore's #1 Blogger! With her striking pink hair and everything (: Both of us loved her videos - the Guide to Life series and her blog's really enjoyable as well. We were really hesitant to go up to her to ask for a photograph because we had no guts at all. We were afraid that she was busy or in a hurry so we just followed her for a while (like creepy stalkers!) But we didn't really want to regret the opportunity and so when she was queuing up for a cab, we went nearer to her and I had this sudden surge of courage so I said "Hi Xiaxue! Can we take a photograph with you?" 

She was so friendly and approachable, immediately agreeing with a "Sure!" 

That was probably the highlight of my day. I'm not crazy about her or anything, I just really enjoy her super funny and straightforward personality in her videos (not to mention how much I admire her openness and willingness to share experiences) and her blogposts! 

Had this fuzzy feeling as I walked away. 
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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

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Written on 5 March, Monday, posted today (2 days later):

As I type this, I'm not sitting in front of my computer as I normally do when I write my blogposts. I am instead on the way to school (yes at 1.55pm, cos my school is cool like that) for my learning journey, typing away on my tablet. This is not going to be updated real-time though, due to the lack of 3G or wifi resources currently.

Now now, I've chosen to take the hour long bus ride instead of the presumably faster MRT route namely because it's raining now and well, don't you think raindrops splashing against the bus window create such a romantic and reflective ambiance? Truth be told, I'm actually  really flustered and worried right now cos it's already 2pm but I'm only in the Ang Mo Kio area, having less than 45 min to reach RGS. Perhaps, I should've realized earlier that the Singapore society (and economy) has no space for slow moving and sentimental creatures like myself.

All that aside, I think my writing style is actually a lot more different on a bus compared to a computer at home, with a ton of other distractions, tabs and music playing as I compose my post. Here it's just me, the raindrops, the tablet and peace (yeap, no rowdy teenagers here).

This atmosphere is really the perfect setting for me to do what I need to do - some serious soul searching. Alright, maybe the serious is redundant since I've never really  lost my soul in the first place, it's just that from the start, I've never really acquired proper control over my soul, to put it simply, I'd let it float. I let it float with my emotions, against what my mind tells me to, causing me to make certain wrong decisions (at times).

Alright, I'm feeling like a Literature student right now (perhaps due to the setting around me) and because I don't feel like baring my feelings and thoughts to the world (these are rather private issues, but I still feel like getting it out of my chest), I am going to write a poem to explain how I really felt about my various commitments in an indirect form. This is written in the last few minutes of my bus ride (I'm not going to edit it later) so yes it's definitely a bit strange and weird. It's also actually my first attempt in writing a poem voluntarily (not for school work). It's a free verse poem, so don't expect it to rhyme.

The swirls of colours,
Variety of sizes,
Such deliciously tempting sweet treats.
Risk a toothache, I take the risk,
Delightfully shaking as I grabbed a stick.

The first lick, oh how I remember
The fresh streak of colour on my tongue.

Control it seemed,
Was what I lacked.
Sugary saliva of rainbow colours,
Dripped down messily from the sides of my lips
Finally meeting at the tip of my chin.

Lick after lick, the taste felt the same.
Losing it's colour, streak after streak.

Pale shades of red, 'came pink then white
Same goes for blue, purple and yellow. 
The spectrum of colours blended like light
Alas the rainbow combined to white.
That sugary stick still sweet to the tongue
No longer filled with the same joy as before

The once-treat morphed.
T'was a chore.
High levels of sugar running in my blood,
As I reached the last bits of the sweet,
And licked the stick that held it all, clean.

All is over, I thought to myself.
Glancing at the rows of vibrant new sweets
Given the chance, I wouldn't really mind,
Doing it all,
All over again. 

I think the overall meaning's quite straightforward but there's little little tiny details oh goodness this is such a  strange and heavy post, I have no idea why bus journeys make people write random and weird stuff. 
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Sunday, March 4, 2012

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(hehe this post is going to contain photos not taken by me, so thanks so much to the relevant people for their cameras! 8D)

This week has actually been really good (': 
really really good, to be honest. much better if you compare it to the stuff that had happened so far this year.

I'm so glad it's Learning Journey week next week - no real school -  and March Holidays the week after. It's going to be a good time to take a breather and really think about what has happened the past term and focus on how I will be able to improve myself. Not that my March Holidays will be anything close to rest - I have two back to back camps, PB Board Camp and Guides March Camp spanning from the 12th to 17th March together. I just hope that the two camps will allow me to relax and reflect as well (: I will definitely be really exhausted though.

I think that part of the reason why this week has been so amazing was because it was SPIRIT WEEK - a week in RGS leading up to Founder's Day that is filled with cool initiatives and the days are namely Be Yourself Day (where we are allowed to wear home clothes!), Class Spirit Day, House Day (which ahem I planned with my OT :D), Community Spirit Day and School Spirit Day (which we are allowed to come in our green black white home clothes as well!) So yes, it was a really cool week 8)

Anyway, the week was good and it ended even better! (: Friday was such a wonderful day.
So basically we had Waddle GM after school and after that, Justice League - House Capts/ VCapts (or part of it) was going for RJ's Dramafest! But it was 7pm and so Jing En and I had about 5 hours or less to kill (cos I didn't want to go for the badminton competition hehe whoops).

I had a craving for Garrett's so we headed to ION and we got our popcorn fix! The caramel flavour is amazing (': Heh we requested to try the Cheesecorn and it was terrible. Maybe savory popcorn just doesn't do for me.

Then we went to Ngee Ann City and headed to Candylicious! Yes, we were spending a lot of money. She bought her chocolate bark thing which doesn't look like chocolate at all to me and I got my jellybellies (; Being in Candylicious took a lot of time, so that was actually good since we had so much time to spare! We walked around and decided to get cupcakes for Louisa and Chunyen since both of them were at 3rd Lang. It was actually really pretty but they didn't give us a box to contain the cupcakes, so the fondant cracked. It's still pretty cute I guess. 

Then sometime later, I received a text from my mum telling me of my brother's A level results! (: Straight A's for all four H2 subjects and Merit for his H3 subject! Yes, that's actually really really really good, and it really set the mood for the entire day (or night) that was to happen afterwards. I'm so proud of him! But that just means that I have to meet the higher expectations of my family and relatives (just like PSLE) He would also face the dilemma of applying for Medicine because with such results, my parents would definitely want him to apply for that course. Just follow your heart, brother! It's going to be hard, but it's your own future. 

Anyway, I think Jing En and I really had time together and we talked about so many things, like the stuff that's happening in our lives and I think both of us feel the same way sometimes. We talked about how we felt so incompetent at times, like how we don't feel worthy of the various positions we have. It's quite scary to be touching on such a topic, but these things can't be avoided. Jing En, I think you're doing great though! (: Both of us felt that we should be more assertive next time, let's jiayou! 

Then we headed to Junction 8 and ate dinner before meeting the rest of Justice League to walk to RI(JC).

5 out of the 11 vice capts ♥ 

Anyway, Drama Fest was really really really good. It was just so impressive, watching seniors act on stage. I especially loved Bayley Waddle's performance (haha of course!) Nikki was so good! I think Moor Tarbet's one was amazing too! Really enjoyed the entire night, spending time with Justice League and watching the wonderful performances. I got a bit crazy and high during the intermission though, it was a bit out of control but all the laughing made me relax and the night was just awesome. 

On a side note, Ragini and I finally have a photo together! (Y)

Saturday was a really good day too! 
It was actually Founder's Day, but I could skip it as I had to attend the Moot Parliament Mentor's Tea held at Dunman High (yes, my group got into MPP!) and it was actually quite fun. I met Jaclyn on the MRT and we headed to the Macs near Dunman to get breakfast first. 

At Dunman, I met Xin Rong, my primary school classmate and it was quite cool catching up! Then we had to go to the Auditorium for the briefing before the "Tea"  - or rather some refreshments before heading to the classrooms to meet our mentors! Our expert mentor, a lawyer, was not present but we had two student mentors from the Law Faculty at NUS. I thought they were really awesome and nice, and it felt as though we were talking to our seniors - one of them is from RGS and the other's a guy. They pointed out many loopholes in our proposal though and it felt like everything was terrible but I guess that's the only way for us to improve! (: 

I think our student mentors are super kind and sacrificial - I mean they actually are willing to take time off their busy schedules to meet us at our school on Saturday! I'm quite excited for the meeting at the Law Faculty at NUS though, it feels just so special to be given such a privilege. Deadlines are really tight and work needs to be done though! 

my MPP group; 

Have a wonderful day! (:
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Thursday, March 1, 2012

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A level results tomorrow! 
JIAYOU KOR KOR (': no pressure k, no matter what, you're still really awesome! 

He's currently still at NS - just completed his Field Camp which is like the toughest part of NS. 
He wrote back to us and it was so touching (': It was the first time he displayed such affection to the family, and I felt so touched I teared up. The letter was stained and dirty, with lots of sand and other stuff but it's so precious!

I really hope he doesn't come back and say that the officer was the one who forced them to write those mushy stuff. 

But yeap, good luck brother! Even if Mummy and Papa puts a lot of pressure on you and insists that you go for medicine, it's okay, just follow your heart (:
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