0902'11

my life officially sucks .

actually , nothing really happened that drastically changed my life . i just feel terrible about myself . it's like i had this sudden pop of the enthusiastic and fresh bubble i used to have . i feel horribly restless in class and everything and it's not a good feeling , definitely . i just hate how my life is going and how it's the same and it's monotonous . not that i know everything , but i just don't see a purpose .

i have this yearning of breaking out from this ridiculous education system . i mean , i know it's not that bad but i hate it that you are studying things that will not help in life in future . they say it's good for you , but who actually solves algebraic equations when they are older ? who does comprehension ? it's good to have some knowledge , but why ? why do people yearn for knowledge ? are they really curious or do they take them in just for the sake of taking them in , just because their parents say they should and it'll help in their grades or anything ? i'm not against knowledge , of course . i'm just curious ( i guess this makes me one of the people who wants knowledge ) but why do i want it ? i have no idea .

another question i'm insanely curious about is why asian parents like their children to be either doctors or lawyers . it's quite ridiculous . as in , yeah doctors and lawyers probably earn a lot and everyone's just interested in money but why don't you let your kids do what they like ? what their passion takes them ? it's just something to ponder upon . is money more important ? is doing something you don't enjoy for money better than being a poor but happy person ? this topic just came to me because my parents are kind of like forcing my brother to go into medicine when he wants to major in philosophy after his A's this year . and i don't know why but i'm agreeing with them . but that's only because my brother has always had an interest in passion in science since young and is amazingly and freakingly good at it . he's prolly quite good in philosophy too but philosophy doesn't have a stable career path ( so the reason goes back to money ) .

right , now talking about how great my brother isn't helping me in my confidence . ugh , i feel horrible about myself . i'm like this terrible person who's not good at anything ; be it academic , social , common sense etc . am i a crazy retard ? )': am i just too conscious ? i doubt it . i am a crazy horrible person that no one likes . i'm sorry . i was just born like this . terrible and suckish .

on a lighter note , virtual insanity by jamiroquai is back on my crazy loop playlist with only one song . it's a 1996 song but the music video is crazy simple but awesome . the lyrics are a good topic to ponder on . are we truly living in a world of virtual insanity ?

Oh yeah, what we're living in (let me tell ya)
It's a wonder man can eat at all
When things are big that should be small
Who can tell what magic spells we'll be doing for us
And I'm giving all my love to this world
Only to be told
I can't see
I can't breathe
No more will we be
And nothing's going to change the way we live
Cos' we can always take but never give
And now that things are changing for the worse,
See, its a crazy world we're living in
And I just can't see that half of us immersed in sin
Is all we have to give these -

Futures made of virtual insanity now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground

And I'm thinking what a mess we're in
Hard to know where to begin
If I could slip the sickly ties that earthly man has made
And now every mother, can choose the colour
Of her child
That's not nature's way
Well that's what they said yesterday
There's nothing left to do but pray
I think it's time I found a new religion
Waoh - it's so insane
To synthesize another strain
There's something in these
Futures that we have to be told.

Futures made of virtual insanity - now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground

Now there is no sound
If we all live underground
And now it's virtual insanity
Forget your virtual reality
Oh, there's nothing so bad.
I know yeah

Of this virtual insanity, we're livin in.
Has got to change, yeah
Things, will never be the same.
And I can't go on
While we're livin' in oh, oh virtual insanity
Oh, this world, has got to change
Cos I just, I just can't keep going on, it was virtual.
Virtual insanity that we're livin' in, that we're livin' in
That virtual insanity is what it is

Futures made of virtual insanity - now
Always seem to, be govern'd by this love we have
For useless, twisting, our new technology
Oh, now there is no sound - for we all live underground

Living - Virtual Insanity
Living - Virtual Insanity
Living - Virtual Insanity
Living - Virtual Insanity

Virtual Insanity is what we're living in

someone reviewed the lyrics in a forum and i think it's quite true .

a user by the name of ed said this ,

" The song is actually about how we advance ourselves in foolish evil technology. Never noticing our love for each other becomes outdated. By doing this we create a false world of hate and discord. Not understanding our purpose for this human reality can basically sum this up. He's taking about men who live in sin( which is really a lack of love ) religion is wrong, but love never fails he's saying. "

i love songs with meaningful lyrics and not songs that has " elastic " " fantastic " " butterfly " in the same song and it doesn't even link or songs that just repeatedly go " gee " . no personal attacks here (:

right i'm still feeling freaking lousy about myself .

i am on the verge of dying . okay not really but i am seriously feeling ridiculous .