2407'12

I have never really gotten used to saying goodbye - I'm just really more of a 'hello' person, but sometimes 'goodbye's are inevitable. 

Guides' Striping '12 happened yesterday. 

I have so much to write about that emotional occasion but for today, that will wait. 

Even though there's SA tomorrow and I have not studied for it at all, I'd really just like to take this time to reflect and think about certain mindsets I have to life. Or rather, what comes after life and -nope, not afterlife but - death. 

I realized that I've never ever dealt with the loss of a close loved one. Of course I have known people who very unfortunately passed away but I'm one of the fortunate few who grew up with all my grandparents except my paternal grandfather, who passed away before I was conscious of what was going on around me. Recently though, especially this year, many friends around me have lost people whom they held close to. This year, death has been one of the most pertinent thoughts that I've been thinking about. Today, my uncle - my dad's second brother - passed away.

I wouldn't say that I'm exceptionally close to this uncle of mine but his passing came as a shock to me. It is my first time knowing that someone this close to me has moved on to somewhere else. To be honest, I didn't know how to react at all - I guess what immediately followed after my dad broke the news to me as I was ignorantly eating dinner were flashbacks of my uncle. 

He was probably the person I knew with the most complicated life story - his life was definitely not an easy one - I have a cousin whom I've never ever seen before and my aunt has diabetes and has as a result lost sight in her eyes. I truly admire him for everything he has done for his family and the thing about him is that every time I saw him, he would remain cheerful and approachable to this niece of his. He was also definitely one of the best cooks I've ever known, really. As most of you probably know, I am probably the pickiest eater ever and I never eat vegetables but in his dishes, everything would be gobbled down by me. 

We never truly appreciate someone till they are gone, really.

Life is so unpredictable - my uncle has never been one who experienced any health problems, he has always appeared really strong and fit and he isn't very old either. 

Thank you for everything, di peh (': I sincerely hope you're well up there. 

Dealing with death takes so much courage. 

Death is such an abstract concept - I can never fathom why everyone needs to go through this process. 

Through this, I've seen how strong my Dad is. My uncle's my dad's brother and although I can tell that my Dad is deeply affected by this sudden loss of his family, he seems to be putting up a front so that I won't be emotionally affected. I really hope that he won't do this because it might just make him feel worse. To be honest, I think that the mindset my Dad has about death is really amazing. He always believes that it's fate and there's really nothing you can do about it - you just have to celebrate the person for the life that he has lived and not the person's passing and the life that he has left. 

Thank you for today. 

I've learnt so much.

Oh and to everyone reading this, I'm fine and there's really no need to comfort me or bring up the topic of the passing of my uncle because I'm emotionally stable and perfectly perfectly alright, thank you (: